#22 And i turn Twenteen !!!

Twenteen ??? well, I refuse to acknowledge im out of teenage now.. Simply because it is expected out of you to behave like a ‘matured adult’ as soon as you are out of your teenage. And while the midnight unfolded a new year for me, I sat there in front of the mirror waiting for that so hyped ‘maturity’ to enter into me..you know, just like in the movies where those spirits enter your body and you suddenly transform into some other character altogether ! lol
Since nothing of that sort happened, and I feel pretty much the same as I was a day back and all the time before that, I conclude that the whole issue about pretending to be someone else just for the heck of getting older is just some hogwash that people try to psyche you with... Comeon people, how can you measure a person’s level of maturity and intellectual (or mental or physical or spiritual or whatever that suits you) growth just by the number of years he’s spent ? Does an older person necessarily be more matured?? And does one have to necessarily get away with the kid in him and get intoxicated into the mean selfish ways of the world, to prove that he is indeed an adult ?

This birthday had nothing very blatantly special about it, if u may ask. Like every year, this birthday too was a low key affair at home during summer vacations. Not a great fan of huge birthday bash at home, ( which will definitely happen a few days later with my friends, and another few days from then in the college :P) i preferred to have a quiet, simple celebration with family and a few cousins. But what made the day extra special this time is the love and affection people displayed when they went out of the way in making the day the most rememberable one. The unexpected calls, the surprise gifts getting delivered at home, just the simple fact that people remembered when I least expected them to and made their own little contribution in getting that smile on my face…was much more than I could’ve ever asked for. These are the times when I get to know who my loved ones really are, how some people can mean much more to me than I had really thought, and how illusioned I had been to think of some people as friends when they dint bother in the least to even wish. I just love occasions like these for this reason, wish they came more than once in a year..perfect time to test your relations.. *nasty grin*

With this I also realise how important it becomes to make a difference to someone else’s life, more than brooding about your own. Touching someone’s life or making him feel special in your own little way can get so much more gratifying than all the pompous parties thrown together. And to do something special, we really don’t need any special occasion, because every day is special. Birthdays are just checkpoints. To analyse and evaluate if we’ve done things we wanted or should’ve in order to bring some happiness to someone else, or as reminders to set out to do them before it gets too late.. ( who said resolutions were meant to be for new years only? )

PS : I realise as I finished typing it, the clock hands have gone well past midnight, and so I complete 20 full years of my worthless existence on this earth. An existence that is really very special and blessed, and to be cherished and lived to the fullest :)

#21 Road mannerism, an obsolete concept ??

I was driving back home from the university in the evening, when a speeding car suddenly zipped past mine. Before I could gather back my senses, it had already hit a scooty which immediately fell down…and the guy simple drove away without even bothering to slow down to see what he had done. Can u imagine ?? Unable to follow suit, I simply stopped my car at a corner, and went to the girl to offer any help. Luckily she wasn’t hurt except for a few scratches, and got back onto her vehicle soon. While I was returning to my car, I couldnt help observe people around giving me dirty looks. I couldn’t comprehend what in the world could I have done to deserve such a reaction, so I just shrugged and kept walking.
I could understand only when a man closeby shouted….Chhoti si bachhi ho, gaadi theek se chalani nahin aati, toh kyun chalane ki koshish karti ho?? accident kara diya na ( U little girl , if u don’t know how to drive properly, why do u ? See, you caused an accident! )…. I was too shocked to be able to utter anything, so expressed my feelings with an outrageous stare at him.
~ aise kya dekh rahi ho, konsi class main padti ho, kitni umar ki ho? (What are you staring at? Which grade do u study and how old are you?
~engineering, 3rd yr... agle hafte bees saal ki ho jaungi. ( Next week,I’m turning 20)
~achha !! nayi nayi gaadi seekh rahi ho? (Ohh really, still learning driving?)
~5 saal se chala rahi hoon. (Been driving since 5 years)
The guy was quiet, perhaps to cover up for his embarrassement, he impudently turned around to his wife and remarked, ladkiyon ke haath main gaadi deni hi nahin chahiye (Girls should never be given a car to themselves)
I was stunned and completely at loss of words.

And I still am. Can’t figure out what to brood over more. Is it now in our DNA to assume that the one helping a fallen person back on his vehicle is actually the one who threw him off?? Or is the society so conditioned to be patriarchal, that it can’t digest the fact that a female can drive pretty normally, without causing an accident.

#20 Are we really safe ?

In an act displaying both ignorance and disregard for human life, Punjab cops ask passersby to hoist a motorbike, apparently loaded with explosives, onto a truck. The bomb squad wasn’t called in, even as the truck was to pass through crowded Chandigarh roads

This is how the great Indian police takes care of bombs.. Needless to say, im totally shocked and aghast.. Guess we should think twice before teaching kids to contact the police if they see an unattented suspicious object lying around.. I'm completely speechless at the extent of idiociy some of our men in uniform can display.

#19

I intended to write, rather type a long post today, non-emo , for a change :P
But now im looking for something that saves me the efforts i had to make to move my ass and brushing aside my passion of procrastination and laziness in playing with the english words to come up with something that qualifies close to being called a 'post'...But english language ( or any for that matter) yet again , seems incapable to translating my emotions exactly into words right now.
Had an eventful day, with ironically nothing much 'eventful' happening. A dull drowsy morning cleaning the trash my room had become, followed by a gloomy hot afternoon glued to the television .Had only one thing to look forward to, a nice evening and a long drive with fellow blogger and friend, Vandana. Had promised her yesterday to go mug shopping for her. Thankfully, she was sweet enough to put the details here and so i cut the post short ;)
Goodnight people..

PS: A few of my college friends arrived in the city today.. my two tech-grandads and their friend :D :D :D
I'm soo excited about meeting them tomorrow..even after them graduating from the college .. yeyy

#18 Random Reflection..

What happens to you when you discover that somebody whom you had considered a close and trustworthy pal hasnt been as sincere and honest to you, rather had always compelled you to question your own decisions and challenge your beliefs ?
Violins playing sad notes suddenly appearing in the background?
Loud metallic sounds ? Crash ! boom ! bang ??
An exquisite crystal artpiece falling in slow motion and shattering into a thousand pieces with your heart echoing every sound it makes ??
One full- fledged intensely melodramatic script forming in your head, waiting to blurt out right at the next confrontation?

Nope..
You just get up and go about your days like any other day with routine precision. You talk, you smile, you eat, you go out, you drive, you meet people, you respond to calls , you mail and mail back, you socialise, you scrap-ping-comment-tag on your online network...only at the back of the mind it seems that you have misplaced something somewhere - and when you sit and think about it, you realise it is some tiny little part of you that is probably dead.

#17 Freedom..

Birds symbolise freedom in its true essence. Everytime I see a bird in gently swooping down on a branch of a tree and breaking into a full throated song, I feel a longing deep within to join the bird on its next journey so I can learn its detachment to roots, its perseverence to rebuild every spring and most importantly its ability to let go and still be able to sing. This is something i'm still struggling to learn.To have a control on one's emotions and not let the emotions take over.To be completely in control of one's life - to be totally free and write one's own script all along the way. To be able to be here - in the middle of it all, love without owning, give without seeking,care without brooding, have without craving and live without holding -Is that not the essence of being free? Amidst all these worldly entanglements and cobwebs of life, work, responsibilites, relationships.. haven't we acutallly lost the real free spirit in us ? Does the song ever come naturally ?

#16 When the cook in me was born :D

What happens when G is back home…?? She gets lazy to the highest order, obviously :P
What happens to her mum ?? She starts off with the much expected universal motherly harangues of G not taking any interests in the kitchen and still not being able cook anything on her own and how is she going to manage once she gets a job / gets married …blah blah..
What does G do ?? She hears but doesn’t listen, mum’s rantings falling on deaf ears. She replies with a groan, and gets back to quiescence again ;)
What does her mum do ? She gives up all hopes on G, praying to the Lords to instill some ‘lady-like’ responsibilities in the kid one fine day…
Then what happens when her mum n dad go out of city for a few days ? G decides to surprise her mum by cooking something for her :) The night they were supposed to return, she cooks ladyfingers with no darn idea in the world about which all ingredients to put and in what proportions. Relying on friends' instructions on the phone and a vague sense of approximation, she nervously sets out for the mission..

Then what happens to the concoction?? hmmm… looks pretty much like ladyfingers…tastes like the same too….except for……….omg….a little extra salt !! Dang !! G cannot even make a simple veggie to please her mum :(
What does G too.. prepares herself for another nice lecture from her mum when she returns. And brushes off all hopes of shopping with her this weekend..
What happens when her parents return late in the night?? Tired and exhausted, they freshen up and ask if there is something left of dinner to eat. G quietly serves them the veggie she made, fingers crossed, prayers on.

Mum’s reaction?? Scowl…?? no wait…… Frown?? …. Anger…??
naaaaahhh….
one sweet smile, a hug, and her words that this was one of the tastiest things she’s ever had…
G….?? couldn’t have felt happier... She aint a bad daughter afterall ;)

#15 Joke Sabha results...!!

Probably the first time im properly following elections and the results... Can't help getting excited and apprehensive at the same time about how the things are going to shape up in a few hours from now.. Though not too passionate about politics and the dirty games involved,i do feel strongly for having a strong stable honest and a good governance for the country.. Can't stand to see power hungry and good for nothing but mud slinging bunch of jokers running the country..
whoa..as i type this, the news channels show UPA leading the count with an overwhelming 229 seats uptil now... So do we see it as the first party to return to power after completeing 5 years of term at office since 1984?? Can't help but wait and watch the great Indian tamsha and the battle to rattle...with the common man struggling as ever....

#14

Yea, I know. It's been a long time since my last post. It's always been a long time since my last posts, ain't it? Had so much of stuff going on in the college after my last entry…farewells, pre-exam movies, treats, parties n get-togethers, submissions, vivas, majors, post-exam movies, treats, parties n get-togethers !! Then the week after exams with the outgoing batch, filling in their diaries, going places with them, seeing them off….Dint know parting with them would get soo painful for all of us….Apart form that, got some nice new friends , found back a lost idiot friend, and yeah..had to lose a dear one too,….All this would leave me completely drained and exhausted to update anything..And then I couldn’t just break this blog-block :(
Guess i'll have to be more regular now that I’m at home for semester break.....ummm...well.....Terms n Conditions apply ;)

#13 There'll be times, when...

Read this somewhere a short while back... Perfect.. How did they know i needed something exactly like this...??

” There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren’t the way you had hoped they would be, ….that’s when you have to tell yourself that things will get better.There are times when people disappoint you and let you down,but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of.
There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life,and it is up to you to accept them.
Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are, So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities,remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be, because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.
Keep believing in yourself. “

#12 I saw... I liked....and I forgot :D

Less than a month is left for the term to end. Can’t even reckon how fast it just passed by,….err…no, the year just ‘flew by’. More than anything else ending, the fact that the final years are going to leave the college forever is unnerving. I’ve gotten deeply attached to a few of them, and the mere thought of spending the rest of my college life without them, gives me the jitters. I’m trying hard to escape the void that’ll be created…very soon.
Today I missed all the classes and decided to spend time in my room. Was going through all the photos and videos I had of the college, specially the ones with these friends. Two of them are from the same state as mine, so they are, in our college lingo, my ‘tech grand-dads’ . They are just like my real brother to me, like a family in the college. Soon, by default, their whole group ‘adopted’ me as their little sister.
So ya.. while browsing through the pics, I was shocked to realise what I failed to since last one year. Last march, we had our college technical and cultural fests. I was in 2nd semester and naturally knew hardly any senior except my two ‘grand dads ‘ and a few others. Amidst the busy chaos and commotion all around, I happened to meet one of them for a few minutes. He was with his friend who was naturally indifferent towards me. I remember getting a crush on him at the same instant. He crossed my path quite a few times that day, and everytime I couldn’t help noticing him, you know the eye candy thing that a teenager normally has ;) The day ended and I realised I would never get to see him again, and considering the kind of person I am, who wouldn’t like someone just like that, I simply dismissed the very thought of him as some stupid flimsy momentary crush, and forgot about him alltogether. Infact he never popped into my mind again. Period.
until now…. when going through the photos, it struck me that the guy…. the very same guy ….. is now ….. one of my closest seniors here…. one of my grandad’s friends….. and a very very good brother to me..
hmmmmmm….. *scratches head*

#11.....

"There is a definite meaning of all the words. How and when to use them, is an important point. The words should not to be used liberally and casually. One word may be traumatic and another one may be healing."

#10 A date with mush...and all that sentimental stuff, duhh

I have to share this with the virtual cosmos. I don’t care if anyone is interested in reading it or not. .

Past 18 hours were kind of a turning point in my life. Don’t remember ever learning so much and growing up in such a span. Learnt quite some deal about life, relationships, friendships, love, care, being there for those you care about. And most importantly, resilience…the spirit of never giving up, no matter what the condition… and supporting others in their bad times no matter how low you yourself are.
Well, remember K.C. ? The day I reached back from home( 4 days back), she met with an accident and broke her leg. 4 fractures…yeah… freaked me out badly on seeing her. Yesterday I decided to stay with her and her mother in the hospital to help them. It was quite touching and hurting to see her suffer so much but not displaying even a slightest hint of pain on her face. Nothing else but an assuring smile. Very inspiring.
The whole college flocking in to see her, or sending her their wishes.. no matter what the extent of acquaintance.. impressed me so much. 2 guys coming in the midnight to speacially get dinner for me because I hadn’t eaten in the night, touched me a lot. Thankyou guys ! I admit that even in a place where you’ll be surrounded by creatures who’ll be mean to the highest order…you will still find some souls who still believe in being there for others and make them feel special .
That’s not all. i have soo much to blurt but can’t find words to speak for my mind. As if all the commotion wasn’t enough, I had lots of other chaos going on at the back of my head, disturbing, bothering, annoying. A few of my closest people were suffering, which pained me more. A best friend badly sick and missing his placements in college , a brother going through a huge emotional turmoil , and another one at his lowest of spirits. Still keeping in touch to ask about K.C’s health ! Kudos to their spirit. Struck me so hard that my sorrows suddenly dint matter a bit anymore. What mattered was cheering them up in the best of my capacity..
Ah… sentimental ?? who says !!
That’s it for now. My mind is like jammed and buzzing with tonnes of neural signals. Feeling lost for words and drained of feelings, lol. Time for hibernation again, ciao !!

P.S. best friend, get well soon please. U don’t seem good lying down as a patient. U r much better when u bug and irritate and piss others so much :P

Not many people were informed, but I’m back home. Hardly 10 friends by count, I guess. The plan was made so suddenly and at such a short notice that I did not have enough time to even meet my pals properly before leaving, or better, dashing off for the station.
Actually I wasn’t keeping too well in the past week. Infact not even a mile close to good, nay, OK health. Temperature which refused to drop even by a nano degree, was enough to allow my room mates to cook sizzlers on my soaring hot head.. Sore throat that could mute a gibber of me and an irritating incessant cough which no amount of syrups, antibiotics, gargles, hot water, etc etc could heal. So bad that for a moment I nearly considered an option of slitting and scooping out my throat. As if it was not enough, I had minor exams in the last 3 days, 2 subjects a day. Screwed them all up, obviously. Have written junk in most of the sheets. The weakness and exhaustion had taken over so much that I fell unconscious right 30 minutes before the first exam on the last day.
This is something I haven’t shared with many people. Only my room mates and a couple of close friends are aware of it. Dint want to bother everyone unnecessarily during their exams, though I know I shocked and ofcourse angered them pretty much when I announced suddenly that I had decided to leave for home right after writing the last paper.
The thought of going home struck me suddenly during dinner a night before. Had full confidence that it was impossible to get a ticket at the last moment in the train I travel, but was lucky to find only last 2 available. Like my friend K.C. says, He held my hand and walked me through when the whole cosmos was conspiring in closing all doors for me...
So that was it, only one frantic, freaky, crazy, n ya..funny hour in hand after the last exam to do all the packing, collecting the medicines, calling the auto, waiting for what seemed like ages only to find theres not one coming, panicking to see only 35 minutes left and no means to make it to the station, K.C. rushing to the store to buy stuff to eat and then to the atm to withdraw money for me, finally getting a lift in a jeep along with a senior who was also traveling in the same train coincidently, reaching the station at the last minute with me sprinting ahead with my food bag searching for my compartment while the senior and my two friends, Salo and Maddy trotted along with luggage, shouting at me pleading not to pass out until I was inside the train. We finally managed to make it in only to wait for it to start 20 minutes past its departure time!!! duhhh..
26 hours later, I reach home. Still coughing, still soaring hot, still weak, still lamenting over the minors…. But still in one full piece and definitely out of the hell :)
Happy belated valentines people. Hope u had a great day. I had one of the greatest ones.
Good night ( and thus I enter the world of hypersomnia :D )


PS: I’m again too lazy to think of a title for this post. Can’t help it, I’m bad at thinking up of titles and captions impromptu. I remember I have to help a friend give a nice catchy name to a portal he is planning to come up with. For all I know, I’m very sleepy and excited to be home to be thinking of names at this time :P

PS2: thanks a tonne to u two, sal n maddy... its was a great adventure ;)

#8

Finally i change the template. I knew i had to do this long long long back, but do i need to remind you that procrastination comes naturally to me ?? When i created this blog, i was too impatient to publish the first post, lest i delay that too. So never really bothered to spend a lot of time selecting a nice template. Chose a random one, and it had to be my favourite colour.

No amount of persuation from friends or 'inner voice' helped, until a few days back i got this lovely comment from a senior friend of mine who said my blog was too pink that it nearly 'burnt' his eyes when he opened it !

Oh my God, it really did


So heres a new one,i don't care if its not outstanding or attractive. Its pretty decent and simple enough to serve me some space for my gibberish :)

dedicated to all those who pestered me hard to change the template, for those who felt it was too girly, those who hate pink, those who burn their eyes, who want me to complete my profile and put up my name.......... and yeah , those who manage to read my posts too :)

ps: im too lazy to think of an appropriate topic for this post right now......later

#7 Lost again, yeah ...

I still cannot believe it could be true. More than anything else i cannot come to terms with this so called fact of life or the ultimate truth or whatever you call it. Why is it that sometimes some close people suddenly leave you forever without even a proper farewell ? Why is it that we get so much intoxicated with the worldly affairs that we unconsciously take everything for granted, and assume that our family and close ones are going to be around forever.. no matter what? Why is that some people choose to leave you one fine day suddenly without giving slightest of a hint of what is going to come? Why is it that the ones you relied upon so much, and somehow never in the wildest dreams thought something could happen to them..the same ones silently curl into the eternal sleep, leaving you competely baffled and wondering what could go wrong.
No one had thought even in his wildest of imagination that a mere stomach ache would reveal to be an inoperable tumour within a few days... turning the casual not-to-be-much-worried-about looks into those of absolute grief, insecurity and helplessness.
I know everything in the world has and end. We all do have to leave one fine day. But to leave like this..its pretty freaky. I could never have imagined God loved my mum's brother more than all of us here. He was too good and perfect for anything tragic like this to happen to him. I envy him for doing this to us. Its been almost 10 days, and i was told today.. Probably becuase they knew i wont be able to take the shocking news too well that time,being alone and away from home. They wanted to wait for a few days until its was fine enough for me to accept it. I have finally accepted it, but its still not fine :(
I do realise that change is inevitable. But there is always this security in taking things for granted that what is will always be. Im no longer an 8 yr old kid..but right now this sudden change has unsettled me a big big big time and made me so insecure and scared of things in life. Theres a feeling of being a kid whos scared to move out of his room for a glass of water in the night becuase its dark and scary..and wants his mother's comforting hand. Right now im not able to decide whos the kid..... me or my mum.

#6 Its like.... im lost

I did not want to be un-blogged(i know its not the right word,but i can't think of an apt one right now)for so long. Cant imagine it happened. It aint procrastination this time. Somehow something or the other would happen that whenever i sat down to put in something, i never really ended up hitting the ''publish post' icon..

I am keeping pretty busy, if you may ask. We have this semester cut short to only 3 months. so obviously the pressure has doubled. everything has to be done fast n soon. all the societies and groups are working full swing on their events and programmes and stuff. im part of some of them. One big thing keeping me busy these days (and probably for most of this sem) is Excelsior. thats our college magazine. Its out every year by the end of this term. This year it has to come out very soon. Im one of the english editors, selected this year.

So lots of events and projects happening in my life really. Well not really. Theres something much more to it. I can't exactly figure out why, but i feel im trying to run away from some things..rather people... or maybe situations. Im not getting a good feeling about certain happenings around me, and believe me it sucks(the feeling). Guess this whole 'keeping-hell-busy-and-occupied-with-work' business is just a simple excuse, an escape route from something i cant explain. Its so intangible. I seem to be keeping out of the reach of some people, for some time atleast...and i don't really know if its by chance or by choice. Whatever it is, i feel like im being dragged...or maybe simply walking into a shell and trying to shut myself into it, a place im not too fond of. Guess its going to be for a few days until im secure and convinced enough that its safe to come back. I really want to. I want the silly stupid toothy smile back. Want the craze, the madness, the fun and everything that comes with all this.



I hope it happens pretty fast. cuz im getting impatient now. Right now all i can remember is the famous tale about King Solomon's Ring, which said 'this too shall pass' ....

#5 A New Year has come :)

Happy New Year people..





have a fantastic year ahead :)






cHeErS !!!!

#4 Home is where the heart is..

I’m home these days on sem-break. Imagine how it feels once you start living away from home in a hostel and get to just ‘visit’ your place on a vacation. First time I came home on vacation I felt wierd. everything was same as I left it, yet it felt so much different and strange. I still feel this , even though its like my 6th time back home after I joined college.

The first day goes in just roaming around the house and kindof ‘exploring’ it like I’m visiting some palace. everything seems to be so royal and grand ! takes quite some time to sink in that i DO have a proper home: sans long, long corridors of identical small rooms, always bustling and crowded with girls round the clock-walking, talking, chatting, laughing, singing, shouting, running, studying, sleeping- all within a radius of a few metres… that I have a bedroom which belongs to me, just me , and not to be shared with two other humans… a comfy bed which i can sleep on for hours without having to think about what the next day has in store for me.. that theres a kitchen which I can invade anytime and ask for dish I wish to have, no long waits in mess, only to return unsatisfied and praying for a better tasting meal next time.. no more waiting in long queues for going to washrooms,and to come out very very soon for others still waiting to get in..

I love being at home. im sure everyone does. its my shell, my comfort zone where I feel so protected, so secure. away from the harsh life outside, it’s a heaven my parents created for their kids,and I love retiring to this place before I set out to face the world again. the place seems to welcome me with open arms, like its been so dull and lonely without me, like its waiting for me to come and brighen it up. feels like it has missed me so much. I miss it too..

another thing I look forward to when im home is meeting those who were in my life before college and I left them behind. friends, cousins, relatives, school, classes, neighbourhood. these were the people who knew me from the start, these are the people who know what I am. I really don’t have to bother to make any efforts to get them to know me, like it happens now in college when I keep getting introduced to new people every now and then. but with my oldies its so much simple, so real. with them I can be me, just me… no strings attached.

above all the feeling of being with your parents, the only persons in your whole wide wild world who love you unconditionally, who always wish for your good without any self interest, who will always be at your behest no matter how old you are, where you are, what you are doing. your best critics yet the bestest counsellors ever. they are the only people you can turn to when the world turns its back to you. its beyond explanation.

you know there are times when you feel that there is no one worth trusting, no one sharing your heart out with, and the ones you thought were your so called ‘confidants’ have in fact disappointed and upset you, and now you no longer have a single soul to seek and lighten up your heart with the other one lending a calm patient ear to you without giving you his own share of crap?? or even times when you wish to share your feelings, thoughts, fears, joys, sorrows, or maybe just an incident, an experience, a lesson learnt, or any silly information; but scared of being laughed at, being gossiped about later on, being misinterpreted and misunderstood or even being not understood at all in the first place ???I go through these pretty often. believe me, the best way to deal with them is to go back to where you came from, your roots..

when I was in school and my brother was in Mumbai for his engineering, I would be pretty fascinated by the thought of him being independent. the prospect of being in full charge of your own actions was too fancy for my little brain to comprehend anything beyond having the liberty to do anything one feels like without parents restrictions. that mainly involved watching lots of movies, night outs with friends, having more junk food, more icecreams, more outings, more parties and most importantly uncontrolled shopping !! I would tell him how lucky he is and how much I wanted to grow up and join a hostel. and inturn he would tell me how lucky I was to be at home,where I could sit back and let others run my life for me.. he would tell me I’ll know only when I move out.


I would not understand then .


I do now..

#3 22 dec, 9:48 pm

22 minutes over and I still cant think of the perfect beginning of this post. Ok, I’ll better give some keywords, please work it out yourself :P [lazy I am. so what ! ]

semester over ..finally…
exams took 7 long weeks to eventually get over…
got a short vacation in between...
why ? don’t think I need to repeat the details, do I? most of you would know.. if u don’t, please don’t bother…
performance in exams? don’t ask.. horrible in most subjects, duh..
on my way back home…3rd trip in last 2 months…
as always, was looking forward to this day since the first exam…
had started packing ages back [who does not want to rush back home asap???]…
right now: in the train back home,
alone,
boring noisy co-passengers,
top berth,
reminiscing the semester that came and went,
strong urge to pour out the feelings crowding my mind...

** I do hope I finish and post this as soon as I reach home, not delay and laze around and give up**

ok..i guess I can start now.
don’t know how do I describe the semester that just got over. when I came back to college after summer vacations to join the second year,I was going through a mixed bag of extreme feelings..
grumpy about leaving home for the cruel outside world… anxious about what the coming term had in store for me… expecting things to be different from those in beginning year.. excited about making new associations and taking up responsibilities..u know,all the stuff that comes to u once you are a senior ;)
A lot lot lot many things happened to me. even a 100 page writeup wouldn’t do justice. apart from increased frequency of class bunks and canteen visits,i started involving more in the college and hostel affairs.. made new friends, got into more circles, college activities, hostel stuff, more parties, more outings.. blah blah..

and a hell lot of learning too..
I learnt that most of the things and people in the world aren’t actually what they seem to be..
I learnt never to make an opinion about something or someone and stick to it, you will most likely be wronged. be flexible and ready to accept any changes, even though they’ll be shocking…or even hurting.
I learnt that no matter how honest and innocent you are, the more you try to explain yourself to others, the more you are bound to be mistaken, so don’t even try.
I learnt to start accepting things if they don’t go in my favour, rather than trying to set them straight.
I learnt that if things are going to be fine, they eventually will, cribbing and mourning over them when they are not wont speed up the process.
I learnt to keep on doing good to others, and to be nice to them, knowing fully well that they mean no good to you, or worse, try to bother you somehow.
I learnt to let go of friends who don’t ever think nice for you, who were never your friends but just because you thought they were, you don’t have to be an ass and hold onto them even if it doesn’t work out with them.
I learnt to (this one is confusing) finally start to learn to stop getting disturbed by little petty issues that others create for me, because after much efforts and talks,I realised its their problem, not mine.
I learnt that its very important to be on atleast cordial terms with those you don’t get along well with, especially if you are dealing with them on a daily basis.
I learnt to always give people who hurt you another chance, maybe things work out and change for the better.. but after much persistence if they don’t, then you are being fooled and need to take immediate steps.
I learnt that people who try to act oversmart in front of you basically need your attention, and the more cool and less reacting you are to them, the sooner they’ll come down to their level and accept defeat.
I learnt not to worry about whatever nonsense people spread about me, and go about clearing them.. those who know me well would automatically know its untrue, those who’ll believe don’t deserve to know me anyway.

and finally…
last 3 days taught me never to lose faith in existence of good in this mean mean world….. that there are people who’ll enter right when you give up hopes of having true companions….. that there will be times when your old friends will start to come back to you after horrible mad bad times, closer than before….. that there are some angels who can give up their long awaited movie plans and dates just to plan a surprise and get that little smile on your face….. that there are some people a lot older to you, who decide to take you out, do things you never even imagined but at the end of the day ask you for your decision about a thing they intend to plan for you, and accept it respectfully even though you say no….. and that there are some extremely special friends who’ll go out of the way to do anything for you to assure you that they will still love you no matter how many problems and shit happen….

tonight for the first time I strongly feel I was wrong in believing that I wont have any memories to remember and miss after I graduate from this college. I have infact got extremely attached to some people here, and cannot imagine life without them. I feel truly blessed and loved and happy.

hope the ones I wish to tell all this read it. I wont be able to say it in words directly…..never.
good night :)