Monday, December 29, 2008

#4 Home is where the heart is..

I’m home these days on sem-break. Imagine how it feels once you start living away from home in a hostel and get to just ‘visit’ your place on a vacation. First time I came home on vacation I felt wierd. everything was same as I left it, yet it felt so much different and strange. I still feel this , even though its like my 6th time back home after I joined college.

The first day goes in just roaming around the house and kindof ‘exploring’ it like I’m visiting some palace. everything seems to be so royal and grand ! takes quite some time to sink in that i DO have a proper home: sans long, long corridors of identical small rooms, always bustling and crowded with girls round the clock-walking, talking, chatting, laughing, singing, shouting, running, studying, sleeping- all within a radius of a few metres… that I have a bedroom which belongs to me, just me , and not to be shared with two other humans… a comfy bed which i can sleep on for hours without having to think about what the next day has in store for me.. that theres a kitchen which I can invade anytime and ask for dish I wish to have, no long waits in mess, only to return unsatisfied and praying for a better tasting meal next time.. no more waiting in long queues for going to washrooms,and to come out very very soon for others still waiting to get in..

I love being at home. im sure everyone does. its my shell, my comfort zone where I feel so protected, so secure. away from the harsh life outside, it’s a heaven my parents created for their kids,and I love retiring to this place before I set out to face the world again. the place seems to welcome me with open arms, like its been so dull and lonely without me, like its waiting for me to come and brighen it up. feels like it has missed me so much. I miss it too..

another thing I look forward to when im home is meeting those who were in my life before college and I left them behind. friends, cousins, relatives, school, classes, neighbourhood. these were the people who knew me from the start, these are the people who know what I am. I really don’t have to bother to make any efforts to get them to know me, like it happens now in college when I keep getting introduced to new people every now and then. but with my oldies its so much simple, so real. with them I can be me, just me… no strings attached.

above all the feeling of being with your parents, the only persons in your whole wide wild world who love you unconditionally, who always wish for your good without any self interest, who will always be at your behest no matter how old you are, where you are, what you are doing. your best critics yet the bestest counsellors ever. they are the only people you can turn to when the world turns its back to you. its beyond explanation.

you know there are times when you feel that there is no one worth trusting, no one sharing your heart out with, and the ones you thought were your so called ‘confidants’ have in fact disappointed and upset you, and now you no longer have a single soul to seek and lighten up your heart with the other one lending a calm patient ear to you without giving you his own share of crap?? or even times when you wish to share your feelings, thoughts, fears, joys, sorrows, or maybe just an incident, an experience, a lesson learnt, or any silly information; but scared of being laughed at, being gossiped about later on, being misinterpreted and misunderstood or even being not understood at all in the first place ???I go through these pretty often. believe me, the best way to deal with them is to go back to where you came from, your roots..

when I was in school and my brother was in Mumbai for his engineering, I would be pretty fascinated by the thought of him being independent. the prospect of being in full charge of your own actions was too fancy for my little brain to comprehend anything beyond having the liberty to do anything one feels like without parents restrictions. that mainly involved watching lots of movies, night outs with friends, having more junk food, more icecreams, more outings, more parties and most importantly uncontrolled shopping !! I would tell him how lucky he is and how much I wanted to grow up and join a hostel. and inturn he would tell me how lucky I was to be at home,where I could sit back and let others run my life for me.. he would tell me I’ll know only when I move out.

I would not understand then .

I do now..


vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

well,,,,here we differ,,,,,i hv never been away frm family like u,, bt still i wanna live alone,,,,bt ya parents will always remain the most important persons to me

.... said...

lol... miss, i almost was to live at home only..decided to go out at the last moment,changed my career line :D
so wassay?? differ again ?????

vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

well,,u r studying away frm home but i m nt,,,,so here's the difference,,,& i'll love to do a job away frm home,,,nw wat say??

.... said...

okay okay madame....
who said we have to be identical to the genes ???
neway, happie new year =)

vAnDaNa sLaThIa said...

absolutely right mam!!!! happy new year to you also