Thursday, January 29, 2009

#7 Lost again, yeah ...

I still cannot believe it could be true. More than anything else i cannot come to terms with this so called fact of life or the ultimate truth or whatever you call it. Why is it that sometimes some close people suddenly leave you forever without even a proper farewell ? Why is it that we get so much intoxicated with the worldly affairs that we unconsciously take everything for granted, and assume that our family and close ones are going to be around forever.. no matter what? Why is that some people choose to leave you one fine day suddenly without giving slightest of a hint of what is going to come? Why is it that the ones you relied upon so much, and somehow never in the wildest dreams thought something could happen to them..the same ones silently curl into the eternal sleep, leaving you competely baffled and wondering what could go wrong.
No one had thought even in his wildest of imagination that a mere stomach ache would reveal to be an inoperable tumour within a few days... turning the casual not-to-be-much-worried-about looks into those of absolute grief, insecurity and helplessness.
I know everything in the world has and end. We all do have to leave one fine day. But to leave like this..its pretty freaky. I could never have imagined God loved my mum's brother more than all of us here. He was too good and perfect for anything tragic like this to happen to him. I envy him for doing this to us. Its been almost 10 days, and i was told today.. Probably becuase they knew i wont be able to take the shocking news too well that time,being alone and away from home. They wanted to wait for a few days until its was fine enough for me to accept it. I have finally accepted it, but its still not fine :(
I do realise that change is inevitable. But there is always this security in taking things for granted that what is will always be. Im no longer an 8 yr old kid..but right now this sudden change has unsettled me a big big big time and made me so insecure and scared of things in life. Theres a feeling of being a kid whos scared to move out of his room for a glass of water in the night becuase its dark and scary..and wants his mother's comforting hand. Right now im not able to decide whos the kid..... me or my mum.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

#6 Its like.... im lost

I did not want to be un-blogged(i know its not the right word,but i can't think of an apt one right now)for so long. Cant imagine it happened. It aint procrastination this time. Somehow something or the other would happen that whenever i sat down to put in something, i never really ended up hitting the ''publish post' icon..

I am keeping pretty busy, if you may ask. We have this semester cut short to only 3 months. so obviously the pressure has doubled. everything has to be done fast n soon. all the societies and groups are working full swing on their events and programmes and stuff. im part of some of them. One big thing keeping me busy these days (and probably for most of this sem) is Excelsior. thats our college magazine. Its out every year by the end of this term. This year it has to come out very soon. Im one of the english editors, selected this year.

So lots of events and projects happening in my life really. Well not really. Theres something much more to it. I can't exactly figure out why, but i feel im trying to run away from some things..rather people... or maybe situations. Im not getting a good feeling about certain happenings around me, and believe me it sucks(the feeling). Guess this whole 'keeping-hell-busy-and-occupied-with-work' business is just a simple excuse, an escape route from something i cant explain. Its so intangible. I seem to be keeping out of the reach of some people, for some time atleast...and i don't really know if its by chance or by choice. Whatever it is, i feel like im being dragged...or maybe simply walking into a shell and trying to shut myself into it, a place im not too fond of. Guess its going to be for a few days until im secure and convinced enough that its safe to come back. I really want to. I want the silly stupid toothy smile back. Want the craze, the madness, the fun and everything that comes with all this.

I hope it happens pretty fast. cuz im getting impatient now. Right now all i can remember is the famous tale about King Solomon's Ring, which said 'this too shall pass' ....

Thursday, January 1, 2009

#5 A New Year has come :)

Happy New Year people..

have a fantastic year ahead :)

cHeErS !!!!