# 90 . Shit Happened

I feel like screaming my guts out. Guess Mr. Murphy loves me way too much.
I opened blogger after what seemed like ages to finally let out what I've been wanting to for a pretty long time.
Was going through my old posts and drafts, only to delete two latest posts from the blog.

Shit.

SHIT !!

The day's gloom has now turned into outrage. I want the earth to split wide open and take me in.
And I do not want to come back ever again. Feels like I just lost a finger ( yes THAT dramatic this is).

So since I'm supposed to be an internet-savvy engineer, I will have to figure a way out to retrieve the posts. Somehow.

oh Google cache, I hope you've captured my Birthday list somewhere in some teeny weeny corner of yours. I was yet to start working on it *looks around guiltily* . Pretty sure I won't even feel like getting back to this space if I have lost #88 and #89 forever.

SHIT  



update :   YAY ! 

#89. Turning 23

23 things I wish to do / complete / accomplish / finally-get-my-ass-to-work-on this year

[in no particular order]

1. Revise the entire Harry Potter series. Yes this was the first thing I could think of !!  

2. Learn an instrument.

3. Be a part of the Ugly Indian Project. Join  them atleast on one weekend .

4. Finally figure out the perfect jeans size and fit for myself

5. Learn Photoshop ! ( I wonder whatever I did in college? )

6. Filter my Facebook Friend List. I've outgrown the stage of decorating friend lists .

7. Fall in love. Like real head-over-heels-crazy-mad waala love.

8.  Learn to recite Gurbani.
     Not just recite. Be able to understand each and every word and then recite.

     I really really really need to work on this. 

     Nothing in the word calms me down like Gurbani does. 

9. Make more and more use of Post-its. 

    Use them at workdesk. Use them in room. Use them in kitchen and washroom. 

    Make notes. Write messages. Reminders. Quotes.

    Drop them at friends' desks with little sweet messages on them. 

    Use them to make people around me happy. I love post-its.

10. Adopt a hair-care regime and strictly stick to it. Religiously. Before I go bald and 

      run out of tears.

11. Go on a trip to somewhere outside the city. Without phone. 

      Only a call to parents allowed.

12. Baby sit . 

      Just to test my patience. And tolerance to drool-poop-scream-sleep cycle for a company.

13. Over haul my wardrobe. 

     Get rid of the clothes I have been attached to for no good reason but never ever ever take them out to wear. On the other hand, go out for a day of crazy random shopping and try clothes I never thought I'd be able to carry. Challenge myself to come out of the comfortable checks-stripes-plain-loose-mostly blue and red-tees and shirts routine I am addicted to.

14. Be able to perfectly bake a cake and cook butter chicken. Not depend on chance to get the concoctions right.

15. Refer point 7. 

     If I succeed :

             Set up a filmy-style romantic candle-lit dinner for the guy and me.

     If I fail :

             Plan one for a couple friend. Or take a good friend out on one if the couple friend fails at the criteria of being one that believes PDA DOES NOT only mean posting sappy messages/ statuses/ photos of holding hands and pouting with cheeks stuck to each other's on Facebook.

16. Plan a trip / party / day out just for and with cousins. Catch up on years and years lost on what could've been otherwise the thickest friendships forged.

17.  Learn to wear and walk confidently with heels. Start wearing lip gloss. 

       Once in a while.

18.  Make peace with whatever that should not have happened but did. There is nothing that would change with my constant worrying/ analyzing/ over-thinking/ regretting.
Learn to smile and live with it.

19. Forgive and/or apologize and get back in touch with one friend lost in the 23 year long journey. 

20. Plan with brother and send parents out on a nice holiday.

21. Be able to do a 8 km run without running out of breath. 

22. Read the Gitanjali. Was supposed to do it on 18th birthday.

23. Be able to complete 100 posts on this blog ( fair enough right ? )

#88. Hug mode enabled

I'm quite a silly girl ( most of my friends would love to argue on the use of word 'silly' but hey I am allowed to bluff on my own blog right? ) and tad bit of an emotional freak ( as much as I hate to admit and openly display ). Today I'm in such a mood where all I can do is smother someone will all my ability to love. Nothing special about the date, nothing great about my life at the moment. Just random impulse to hug and cuddle and feel happy. Because we all need a little bit of love once in a while to survive, don't we ?

This is a day when I need a hug and be told that I'm special. My presence in their life makes some difference, if not much.  And that is something I need to feel happy right now.

PS: Mother arrives in Bangalore in two days, first time after my joining. The visit has been due for a very long time now. I have no idea where all I'm going to take her in the city, what all I'm going to do once she's here, what she would be doing during the days when I would go to office. I have a million things running in my head, a lot of mental notes of things to do once she lands. But for all I know, I just want to hug will all my might and smother her will all my love :D 

#87. It has been a crazy busy month

.....this March.

Started with a major event in office that the team was preparing hard for. I and the other new-joinee < my team insists we should stop calling ourselves new-joinees now O_o &gt; were naturally a little apprehensive about how we were going to handle the clients, if any such situation arises; clients who are far more experienced and well-versed with the products and so very easily capable of ripping us apart with the barrage of queries. Thankfully, no such disaster struck and the event was a great experience to understand and marvel at how SAP run millions of business processes every minute.
The month was in general pretty busy for a regular routine, with the year end approaching and lots of tasks lined up at the office front. At the personal end too there were a couple of things to untangle and a lot more to welcome in life. I've kept myself busy enough not to think about bigger issues in life, letting myself just soak in the moments and living them one by one that I don’t want to look back in regret or worry about the future. Life is going smooth on the whole and that is a reason enough to celebrate.
And yes, I did not play Holi this time. Not only owing to the fact that it was working day here in Bangalore, also because of the fact that I personally dislike this festival and try to avoid it by all means. I was glad this time around no one could force me into the madness. Before you jump into your conclusions and start opining, please read about my failed relationship with Holi here.
Finally made a trip to Hyderabad and met two of my best buddies from college. It was great catching up with them, and getting back an almost lost friendship with one back on track. One crazy hectic fun weekend was all I needed to unwind myself from the toll the 9-6 routine had started to take on me. I have decided to make a conscious effort to plan such short random trips with friends so that I don't have to face the often-talked about burnout AND more importantly, to realize the importance of maintaining relations as much as career, if not more.
Speaking of catching up, Urvi's visit to Bangalore was something I was looking forward to for a long time. Although we did not get to spend a LOT of time, but it was nice meeting her and her amazing family. Also I got to use her brother's DSLR on my own and I'm more in love with it than ever. I am unable to get over this irresistible urge to buy one for myself, despite being well aware of my infamous past of getting easily bored with anything I get attracted to and immediately buy. But I'm sure THIS one purchase would not go waste,. hopefully.
Amidst all the jam-packed schedule and frantic weekends, my reading challenge has gone for a toss, sigh. I hope I'm able to pick up and be able to complete at least 75% of the challenge, which now seems bleak to me.
As the month ends with a weekend, and with the salary duly credited , the normal life resumes with all its obligations and routine chores to be duly attended to. Have decided to start focusing more on health and follow a decent < won't go overboard with announcing a strict> fitness regime. Also it is going to be a trying time ahead to make a couple of strong decisions about many fronts.

# 86. Mid-Week Crisis

Its hardly mid-week and I'm already eagerly waiting for the weekend break

Life has become such a vicious cycle of weekdays and weekends.
I wonder if there'll ever be any digressions from this grind? [please do not tell me
about the vacations and team outings, you know I do not mean that]

College seems like a distant past now. A memory.

Was it even ever for real ? *pinches herself*

#85.

I opened my blog's dashboard about 2 hours back to push myself into writing something, since I was itching to write for quite sometime now. Some random surfing through a couple of old blogposts got me hooked into reading almost every past post of mine, until I reached the end. It felt like re-living the emotions and memories behind each post, felt like going a documentation of some of my life's events. And I mainly noticed a trend in the posts that finally made it to the 'publish' button. Most of them were written while going through extreme emotional experiences. As if I was attempting at freezing the moment for me to be able to re-visit in future.
Needless to say, I happen to type all this gibberish right now with the same purpose. Today is one of the days I want to freeze the memory of for the entire life. Out of lack of motivation and low attention span, I'll skip the unwanted description of what God-forsaken event drove me into getting back to this nearly dead space. I will let this picture speak for me ( yes I am that lazy :P )



Cheers to life and all its happy moments and unplanned surprises and unplanned achievements !


PS: I am officially a graduate now ! Went to college last week for the convocation ceremony. Goes without saying that visiting the college and meeting all friends after 6 months of moving out was one of the best feelings. Felt like we all found back the reason to smile with the heart and not just fake one with the lips :)
PPS: 6 months with SAP and so my probation period with the company are over. So officially I am a permanent employee with SAP Labs. Have to treat my team this week for that.
PPS: Life treats you well when you drop guards and decide to torture it less by fretting too much over should-haves and would-haves and why-nots and all that crap ;)

#84. The follow up post

So in my last post, I was moaning over a habit lost and difficult to get back at. I knew it was time I hit the panic button ( ok I know I'm being melodramatic here but it really had gotten this serious blimey) and do something about it. The next day in office, a friend and I were discussing about books in general when I told him how I have nearly lost the stamina to pick up a book and hold on to it for more than a few minutes. Thankfully, he could relate to what I was trying to explain as he was finding it hard to re-start his CAT preparation too after joining office. We both for seeking the much needed external kick to get started with what we needed to do before it was too late. We decided to start helping each other out by setting goals for ourselves each day, announce to the other person about our goals, get home and get to our books. We are not to sleep until we've achieved our target, failing which the target for the next day is raised by the other person.
4 days down and he is starting to gain momentum with his preparation, and I am almost in the middle of my novel ! Well it is mostly because I have read this one before, but since I wanted to start with something light and I had forgotten the plot of this one, I decided to re-read this. So I can finish this off soon and move on to its sequels, while at the same time I don't get bored off it easily. I feel much better and positive about starting my year with an making an honest effort on something I am passionate about.
Also, so that I do not waver in my plan and before I start ignoring my friend's pestering to stick to my challenge , I found this website where I will take up a reading challenge. Basically, one registers on this website and sets a personal goal for himself for the year, to read the number of books that he decides for himself. The website keeps track of how close/far the person is from his goal and how long will it take to reach his target going by his current reading rate.
I am registering with the site with a decent target to begin with, 30 books to read in 2012. The welcome mail I receive in my inbox looks promising:
" Thanks for signing up on Goodreads — you won't regret it, we promise. "

So far so good. I hope this works out for me well ! I publish this on the blog announcing my plan to the world so that I am constantly reminded of a promise taken by me, for me. For my own good.

Would you like to take the GoodReads challenge too ??

#83. The Joy of Reading.

I think, rather I am sure now that I have almost forgotten what it feels like to finish a book.
Feels like ages since I felt the thrill of picking up a new book, curiously going through its first few pages wondering what world was the author going to take me into, the joy of physical turning of pages and absorbing each and every word, every emotion. The accomplishment of reading something from start to finish, and still wanting more.
There was a time when reading for hours at a stretch was as effortless as..umm..breathing! Yeah, that easy. But now try as I may, I can just not be able to bring myself to pick up a book, and if by some stroke of luck I succeed in picking up, my attention spam doesn't stay on for more than a couple of minutes.
I feel stripped off a major source of joy in life.
Damn you internet.