#94

You know the kind of texts you receive from your close ones that leave you numb, so numb that even after weeks you wake up each day hoping that you were just dreaming ?

It's tough. The other person is hurting , no amount of consolation or anything you say is going to help them at that time. You cannot bring their loved one back, yet you keep wondering if there is anything you could have done.

Why do we get so ridden with the guilt ? It's so stressful at times.


You know the kind of texts that make you change your perspective towards life. Life that fails to teach you what an event as death does...

#93. Am I really old enough ?

A friend and I were playing music in my room this morning and the playlist soon drifted to old songs from the 90s that we grew up listening to. We all got excited about hearing those songs after so long and started sharing our memories associated with them. Later I texted an old friend of mine reminding her of those silly times when we'd memorize songs like Truly, Madly, Deeply and hum them all day at school talking about our first crush with each other. I also told her about another girl we knew since many years who got engaged. My initial reaction when talking to my friend about it was "Wow, I can't believe they're engaged already!" but that's when she had to snap me out of the old days and remind me that we're already 24, and teenage memories and friends getting married should not amaze me anymore.
Which is when it hit me - "How did we grow up so soon?"

With social media controlling almost all our activities it's so easy to judge your own life based on what everyone else is portraying theirs to be. A lot of the girls I went to school with are married already, and some even have kids or are expecting kids soon. I judge their life to the vast contrast of my own, and many times wonder how I'm in such a different position as them. Some days I think to myself "Damn, I'm already 24!" and other days I have to stop and remind myself "Hey, I'm only 24!".

If I'm honest with myself though, I'm not ready to turn the page on this chapter of my life. So what if I'm still living my life the way the elders would no longer approve of and expect me to grow out from. Sure, those other girls are getting to flaunt pretty rings, plan weddings, decorate new houses, and prepare for babies. I know that eventually I'll get to do those things too. But for now, I want to soak up every minute of this phase I'm in.

It's easy to look at those girls and wonder what I'm doing with my life, but the truth is, I feel a sense of warmth and comfort in the juncture of life I'm in right now. I want to take full advantage of the fact that I can make my own decisions,and be a little bit selfish about them without having anyone whose life depends on them. I do have responsibilities, but not too much, and I have the freedom to explore and experience new things without anything or anyone holding me back ( except for my parents who never did ).So, if you're like me and tend to compare your life to others, stop. Take the time to enjoy this chapter. Once you turn the page you can't go back, and while the next chapter would be extremely exciting, it will never be the same as it is right now.

#92. I swear I'm not dead

Just busy figuring out this conundrum called life. 


But I miss this space okay ?

I really do.

#91.

Was at this amusement park yesterday having what I would call the time of my life, a perfect weekend with the perfect set of people I could ever want to be with. Until I spoke with my mother on the phone while on my way back, and heard her break down on the call with me.
Its like this distance suddenly hit me right on my face and ripped my heart apart. How conveniently do we children forget that while we are growing up and moving on with our own lives, our parents are getting older and need us more. Since when did we become so selfish?


I always wanted to remember this day all my life, but not like this.