Thursday, November 25, 2010


I urgently need to let go of the negativity and uneasiness that is eating me every second for the past 20 hours now. Today I just don't feel like even trying to make efforts to do what it takes to be happy. As much as I would've wished to smile with all my heart, I just did not do enough. Not even a bit at that. The smile I tried to flash all day seemed fake and lifeless. I know if I had made a genuine effort, it wouldn't have taken much to get me back up and pumping. Laughing and joking and jumping and goofing around. Full of energy.
But I din't want to invest a lot of energy into faking that energy. Faking happiness might've worked at that moment, but it would've made me much more unhappy later on.
And as for the reason behind this dispirited mood today, I can only try not to give it the importance I'm attributing to it right now. I will have to learn to un-prioritize it and stop taking it too seriously to have a negative and unhealthy influence for me. Nothing should play juggler with my happiness. Not even the things that make me happy.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

#54 Before I even realized...

This sem is already over :O :O
Well, technically the vivas are still left, but who counts them ;-)
That brings the second last semester of my engineering to an end, already! I can still clearly remember the day I entered this college 3.5 years back, and it still feels like yesterday ! Can't believe, this is going to be the beginning of an end- last semester, last registration, last majors, last fest,last hostel parties,last canteen meals, last class treats, last-time standing in long queues of the library( well, i stopped doing that after 2nd yr, but just to add to the list;) ) and LAST SEM BREAK EVER !!
Speaking of sem-break, G is awfully sad today :( She had booked her tickets for home long back and was counting days before she could leave for the minefield that her hometown is. She was to leave home in another 5 days, and was looking forward to attending her best friend's sister's wedding and meeting all her friends on 1st december. But she is told today that the centre for her FMS exam on 5th is not Jammu, but Bhopal itself! So she's stuck here for another 15 days, and haaaaaaaaaaaaates it! What she hates more is that she decided to go ahead with filling up its form ONLY after learning that she could give it from home and won't have to stay back during vacations. It sounds like some cruel prank to teach me some lesson about not taking things too much for granted. Maybe. I'm just trying to find a reasoning behind things that happen to me.
I like my friend's reason though. He thinks its some sort of sign, that I am made to stay here for 2 weeks for an exam I wasn't even considering giving , only so I could prepare sincerely and perform well. I like the way he thinks, but I hope he also knows that G and studying sincerely have never got along well. EVER !
G tried hard to develop some interest in CAT , but it just blew up. So she has succumbed to the fact that she can never ever be capable of slogging her way out of something, she can just wish to do so, and get done with an average performance :-D
Speaking of performance, my theory papers got over just yesterday. And my performance was DISMAL, i'm quite sure of that. But then I can never ever be sure of myself, can I . I was unsure of almost everything in the past , specially when it came to exams, but ended up getting unbelievably fantastic results at times. But I have a nasty feeling about my pointer dropping real hard this time around. Can only hope it doesn't go as bad as I'm dreading. Not that it matters too much right now, I'm placed and probably won't have problem applying for anywhere if i want to, as long as my aggregate remains decent. But I still can't help the tiny anxiety somewhere in the corner of the head.
So yeah , I already mentioned I'm placed right, and if by any slim chance you happen to follow this blog, this post was about the same. That was one of the happiest moments this semester. Also those of some of my best friends. Want everyone else to grab their job offers asap, so that there is less frustration around in the air :-|

This semester had a lot of offer and teach. I lost a couple of good friends. That made me sad. I got a lot more new friends. That made me happy. I got closer to a couple of really good friends(two of them are my big time crushes :D ) and can't think of life without them now! This makes me soo happy. And you know what makes me happiest? Having made up with some of the friends I had lost before. Feels great.
And ohh yes, I finally gave up on trying to hate love. Its pointless. I admit I was being a jerk only since I felt bitten and was too shy to trust my instincts. I'm glad I decided to finally let go of my mental block and give up trying to force myself to hate love. I like love. I love love. Its a lovely feeling. OK i'm not making sense right now. But, once more, I like love. I love being told I'm loved, by anyone and everyone. And I love doing the same to them. Loving and being grateful for every damn thing in your life makes you a happy person. Try it.

So with the semester coming to an end, I want to do as much as I can in the next semester, the last one. Before I step into the cruel cruel mad world outside. I want to read as many novels as I can lay my hands on. Download and watch as many movies as I can from the college hub. Roam around as many places I can go to in the last semester. Plan a lot of trips, treats, movies, outings, meetings, events.....a hell lot of thing before I graduate. Don't I sound like someone desperately fluttering around in panic because theres a huge avalanhe approaching? Believe me , I feel exactly the same right now.

By the way, If you made it till here. You are so freaking jobless aren't you :P
I made no sense. Just wanted to blabber random stuff. Never intended to make any sense at all !
good night :P

Saturday, November 13, 2010


I'm going to jump straight at this before I put off writing or later(yet again, which mind you, hardly happens) OR I suddenly decide its not worth putting up.
A friend of mine has lately started to have issues with his friend he is really close to. This guy, lets call him T, stays in the hostel with a group, including S who he particularly considers as a close friend. Both of them are in different branches, due to which they T gets to hang out with S only in the evenings, owing to his hectic schedule. And now S has got involved in a college activity, with a huge responsibility and workload on his head. Due to this, he keeps terribly busy with work and his workmates, and ends up spending much more time at the workplace than with his hostelmates. Everything was fine until gradually T started to whine about S "ignoring" or "forgetting" his old friends and getting "too obsessed with new ones". I couldn't understand why he had to get so worked up over such a matter, I was sure it wasn't too big a deal to raise alarms about. I tried talking to other friends about the reason behind his insecurity and if there was something we could do about it. What they told me was a bit startling. They claim that S was partly to blame for this as he has done nothing despite himself realizing the distance that has crept in between him and his friends. He chooses to turn a deaf ear to them and conveniently put his new friends in priority over them, almost every single time.It has further aggravated by his constant raving about his new work-friends, almost all the time when he is with these people. This puts them off naturally , and so they have decided to let go of him since they don't see any chance of things improving. S on the other hand, is defiant and cannot understand why do they have to get so paranoid over such a trivial issue, specially T. He maintains that it is unreasonable for them to demand his attention in the same old way, when he is keeping terribly occupied with work. It miffs him to see that they aren't being supportive of him having built a great camaraderie with his work mates and can't understand why they don't put up with him.
Amidst all this, I'm in a big fix. I can totally relate both sides and can't blame one side for the tiny crisis here, but I can't get myself to fix it all up either. It bothers me to see friends drifting apart for petty issue as this, and desperately want to do something to make them realize the dumb blunder they are making in giving up on their amazing friendship due to such a silly silly silly reason.

I feel like giving these guys one big punch each on their faces, to get them to senses. This will boost my anti-male-breed ego too :D :D :D
But on a serious note, I need ideas .......
Anyone ?