Saturday, December 31, 2011

#82. The customary year-end post

The compulsive urge to write a post for the year end. The post-mortem. Reflections. Introspections. Achievements. Regrets. Analysis. Would-haves and could-haves.
I'll try to make it as short as possible and hit the publish button before I get distracted again and repent later on for being too late to post.
December 31st is always the day for me where I get this panicky feeling of something important slipping off my hands. Its like, there is so much to do in the year and it has to be stopped from ending so soon. This time, surprisingly, I noticed that I am actually looking forward to the new year. Not because I wish to wash my hands off 2011 ( I have friends slobbering my FB feeds with "good riddance" " RIP 2011" etc etc since morning ), but because there is nothing about 2011 that wants me to hold it back. It has been a pretty much kind year to me, so to say. There were lows, but there were lots of highs too and that is what I will choose to focus on and take along with me to the new year. It has also been a year of many firsts, including my first job, a memory I will never forget for life. I also met many new faces, some of whom went on to make my life even more beautiful with their presence, whom I would never want to let go. On the other hand I held on to some people I should have ideally let go of, a decision which has turned out to be both correct and incorrect. Guess that is how it is with some people who mean so much to you that you just let them in no matter what. It taught me a very important lesson of forgiveness and compromise, and also the need to stand one's ground when needed.
If I look back, 2011 to me was about little joys and a lot of learning.
Resolutions for the new year? None. Its not like I'm going to shed skin in 2011 and dress into a new one altogether in 2012 at the stroke of midnight. For me starting afresh in the new years is just an excuse to make a more conscious effort to become a better me. Thats all.
How do I bring in the new year? No party. No sharty. Just a quiet evening with the 3 people who mean the world to me. And I'm glad both my brother and I managed to make it home together to end 2011 and bring in 2012 with the parents. Could I have asked for anything better ? :-)

Wish you a very very Happy and Prosperous New Year. Stay blessed.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

#81. Of living in the past

Sometimes silence is the best rebuttal. And sometimes no response is acceptable.
Sometimes you feel at loss of words to explain yourself. Sometimes words are just not enough.
Sometimes people don't know how to deal with you when you are pissed. Sometimes they piss you with the way they deal with you.
Sometimes its their fault. Mostly its no one's.
Sometimes you wish you knew what to say to cheer your friend up. Sometimes you feel its better to shut the hell up.
Sometimes you wish your friend knew exactly what to say to you. Sometimes the telepathy just does not work.

Guess it never works your way !

I began writing this post an hour back, out of guilt for not being able to find the will to write ( the same old excuse right? ). And like always, I got drifted to other things on the net and started chatting with an old friend after a lot time. We have been pretty much disconnected for a very long time now and are trying our best to bring things at a cordial level again, if not the same. Somehow, everytime we try to have a conversation, I find this friend upset with life. Over the regular daily issues. To you or me they might seem trivil, but for this friend of mine they are a major source of unhappiness. It bothers me to see him always dejected and brooding over things he has to deal with at his personal as well as professional fronts. I tried hard to cheer him up a couple of times, but failed evey time he started to express his unhappiness. Lately I started to notice a trend in the conversations, that of him tending to regress to past. I realized he is clinging on his past too much to be able to embrace with open arms whatever his present has to offer to him. Our conversations mostly start with "there was a time when..", "remember those days" , "it used to be nice then" and end with "nothing is the same" , "wish those times come back" , " everything has changed" , "no one is the same anymore" .
It struck me, don't we all live that way? Always comparing our present with that of our 'glorious' past. We refuse to live in the moment. We refuse to acknowledge that something good could possible be in store for us. We expect our world to stay static. As it was weeks, months, years back. We fail to realize the change in dates is more to do with just striking them off the calendar.
I thought of giving him a long sermon to shake him into senses, but then I realized I am no authority to do that. So I decided to rather write about it to remind myself to consciously make an effort to not complain and worry too much about what is happening and why is it not happening the way I want, or the way it used to be.
And also because I did not have the strength and patience to put this across to my friend in one go without him interrupting me to stop selling him eutopian dreams. Buddy, I know you'd be reading this. Life has never been rosy, it never will. The future is always going to freak the hell out of you. The present will keep challenging you every single moment. But the past was never so rosy either. The only reason you have made peace with past is because its done and dusted with. It no longer intimidates you. The only reason you like the past now is because you are familiar with it and wish to relive it. But that shall never happen, and thank God for that. Else you would have never grown up. Face the present, it is never easy but that is what you really need to. Things will be much easier for you if you make peace with them.