#101. About time I wrote this one

It's been three weeks. From that day when I found it hard to stay composed to today when I rather have my solitude for company- there has been a strange kind of transformation in me. Adults tend to refer to this phenomenon as maturing, so I guess this must be it.

I'm quietly watching the year slip by. As much as I want to hold on to it dearly for 2014 has given me some most beautiful memories, I am prepared to let it go. Just as I learned over the year that sometimes the best way to celebrate the presence of something in your life is by letting it leave. No grudges, no complaining, no tears and no grieving. No chest-thumping drama. Just a silent unsaid farewell. If you know me personally you'll know why is it a big deal for me to part with things and people I hold dear to me.

The year also taught me the importance of positive reinforcement. There was a beautiful article I once read about using your daily password as a means to set reminders for your goals . I started practising the same and now swear by the impact it made on a potato of a person that I am (more on that later). I realize that all it takes is that one little kick to get things moving in life. A pat on my back for also successfully completing the 100 happy days challenge early this year (I did mine on my Instagram profile).

Last two months drove me insane with all the work I had signed up for. I went into a hiding, refused to meet anyone, allowed only a few into my cocoon and spoke with them incessantly about my worries. For those in this circle who stuck by and tolerated all my whims during that phase when, if I were them, I would definitely have kicked myself hard for being an irritating messed up wreck - I am eternally grateful. For those who considered bailing out on me as an easier option - I can only thank them with my heart for teaching me the essence of detachment. Because in the coming months, I will have to learn to part. To gather from my past that I have hoarded over the years, collect it all and lock everything away, far from my reach and farther from my memories.
I will hate it, but I will be doing it.

Bring on 2015, I say. I am shit scared of you, but I will face you and I will win you over :)




PS: I'll also be changing the URL of this blog. Detachment, you see.

#100 . The Hundredth Post

Much deliberation. One conclusion. That the more I keep planning to make the 100th post as a milestone or something, the less likely it is going to happen in next hundred years or something.So what the heck.
How has 2014 been shaping up for me? Pretty amazing, I'd say.
The year brought with it quite many changes in my life. Some happened that I had no control over, while there were some that I had to make happen. Got *almost* diagnosed with an incurable condition, exercised my way out of it. Gained weight, lost twice as much. Took up a few interesting projects. A big one happening next month end and I'm absolutely thrilled about it. Few personal resolutions were met, some broken.
But most importantly, I have finally decided to take a big step in life and break my cocoon of complacence (read: indolence). Working on achieving something important this year and never before have I wanted this bad for it to work out for me. 
Wish me luck!

#99

"One day

  when I wake up at 3am,

unable to sleep,

I will look next to me

    and you will be there.

Sleeping peacefully beside me

and suddenly,

   the world won't seem so lonely."

#98

Right now I am on my way back home from a short business trip of 3 days. Since it's a good long journey from the Bangalore airport to my place, I took my laptop out in the cab to send an important mail. Saw one of my colleagues, who happens to be my batch mate from college and a friend, had his last working day at office while I was away. He signed off his farewell message with these lines from Mark Twain -

“Life is short, Break the Rules.
Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY.
Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret ANYTHING
That makes you smile.”

It's funny how something significant happens with you that gets you thinking about it a lot, and suddenly something totally unrelated strikes you from no where and everything that you've been forcing to rationalize in your head immediately makes perfect sense.

#97 Dear Good ( Guy ) Friends

We girls are better than you think we are in knowing the difference between you being genuinely over friendly by habit, and you trying to take your chances by hitting on us for lack of other options. Specially when we are the ONLY few girl friends you have in your life. That too when you try your luck with more than one at the same time.

Sincerely,
Your well wishing but deeply pissed Good Girl Friends.

#96 The Mc Donalds Generation

As I sit to write these few words, like every other time, I am struggling to fight this strong urge to peek into my mailbox, or chat, or facebook updates, or twitter feeds, or flikr uploads, or any other damn thing on the internet- for the umpteenth time in the day. I realize there is nothing I will find in there that is worth the urgency. I realize that checking would partly be an escape for me when I wish to write but words don’t flow freely. But I also may be a perfect example of how technology has intensified people’s need for instant gratification, turning them into impatient psychos. Or as my Father puts it, I am a classic case of the Mc. Donalds generation that I belong to.

#95. Year-end post

So I end up procrastinating on the day I was supposed to sit and take a stock of the year I mostly wasted away. The world was supposed to have ended in 2012, as the Mayans told us. Only that 2013 showed up, and went on to mock at my plans for the year just as probably the number 13 does for those who believe in astrology.

The general mood for 2013 seemed to be largely based on accepting change and having to let go. Of things that are too dear but eventually go. Those we hold too tightly but need to give up for our own good. Things we take for granted until they’re gone.

Year that started with me purchasing my first DSLR ( no I did not start a photography page, neither will ) ended with an impulsive purchase of Kindle tab, despite hoarding my shelves with scores of books I could lay my hands on throughout the year.

A new phone was bought too, which meant giving away the one I was gifted 3 years ago by brother on campus placement, and anyone who knows me personally would testify how hard it was for me to part with it. I have a knack of getting attached to my possessions and giving any away means killing the memory that I have grown to associate that particular thing with.

Did I work insanely hard this year, or did I use work as an excuse for anything else that came my way, I do not know. While this year I finally gathered the strength to cut all ties with a relationship that was damaging to say the least, I also didn't do enough to stop my best friend from moving to Delhi to chase his dreams.

Trip to London happened for 22 days right in the middle of year, with all 4 of the family together after ages. Made me realize how with each passing day the distance never ceases to stop growing and before I could even land back to Bangalore, I was already homesick. Losing a childhood friend to a tragic road accident made me want to get done with the year even more.

There were definitely some happy times too. My 24th birthday was made special in ways I could've never anticipated, I made some lovely new friends who I can’t imagine my life without now, I moved to a new apartment with a few of my college friends that make me relive hostel days. And I performed for the first time on stage in front of 4000+ audience for our company’s annual day dance competition ( and if I’m allowed to brag about it, my group won 1 Lakh cash prize too :D ).

If there’s one thing that 2013 taught me, it’s that taking things for granted is a sin. So is assuming things will be done if you intend to without having to do something about them. I wrote too little. Read far too little books. Took too few pictures. Met fewer people. Hardly took any risk. While I planned to do too much of them all throughout the year. There cannot be anything more tragic than being in a state where you squander away the time you’re given to make the best out of.