Monday, June 27, 2011

#70 I Want To See A Dream Tonight

I want to see a dream tonight. I don't remember when was the last morning I woke up remembering seeing a dream.

I really want to see one tonight.

One that takes me out of this state of inactivity. One that proves to me that my life is not inanimated. One where I don't have to spend days staring at the fan. Or the laptop. Or at my Mom. One where I don't have to think of what to do, I should automatically have loads to do. One where I don't make it through the entire day without letting anyone or anything touch me.

I don't want to feel so devoid of color and music like I do these days. I don't want this to become a permanent feature in my life.

I don’t want to feel so sapped of energy.

I don't want to feel the lack of will / inspiration / motivation/ purpose to do just about anything.

I want to jump out of my bed with a bright wide smile on my face and a plan for the day charted out in advance. I want to run into people around me with a smile so contagious that they find themselves incapable of not smiling back at me. I want to sing in the shower while I'm loaded with work. I want to rush to my work and look forward to meeting my mates at office. I want to be able to stick post-its in my cubicle and cover it with bright vibrant colors. I want to feel very excited about a friend who bought a new iPad. I want to call friends over for a movie and open the terrace for them and make lots and lots of popcorns to last all night. I want to laugh and giggle until my stomach hurts. And go on laughing even after that. I want to write write about every little good thing about me and tell people how pretty they are. I want to get soaked in the rain, and not end up sneezing. I want to get a good night kiss every single night, and be cuddled to sleep.

I need to rid myself of the cynicism that makes me doubt this entire universe.

I need to find that part of me I want to call myself. I need to bury history. I need to see the future arrive. I need to embracde it with arms wide open and a smile stuck on my face, and most importantly, with a plan well thought of in my mind about living my future well.

I really need to see a dream tonight.

PS: I'm expected to be joining office in about a week. So pretty antsy


Chitranshi said...

Beautiful! :)
It feels so awesome to dream.. I dream every night, and most of the times they make me wake up with a beautiful feeling of pleasure or adventure or excitement. Wish you such an exciting life that you need not to dream :)

Rimzhim Agarwal said...

Just a copy paste of my thoughts.. I can relate to it totally... :-)