Friday, June 18, 2010

#41 When everything is allright, and still its not...

Its late in the night and I am not able to sleep. I feel low sad and lost. I guess this has been happening for the past couple of days. I have a comfortable life here. Have loads of lovely friends too, its not like I'm lonely without friends and family here. Still something seems to be badly missing these days. I am not able to figure out what. Or maybe I do, but don't want to acknowledge that and hold responsible for the agitation going inside. For reasons I can and should handle but still having difficulty dealing with.
There are times when you act like a little kid, as much as you try not to. You have everything you could have ever wanted or asked for. God is more than kind to you. He gives to plenty of toys and mates to play with. But still you get hung up on that one candy or friend he chooses to keep away from you. You keep moaning and grumbling over it and begin to disregard all the other things you otherwise have with you and should be cherishing. Your entire energy gets channeled towards associating your happiness and peace with that entity and you can't seem to find a way out of this mess. It only builds up to your anger and desperation to disassociate yourself from the entity, only to end up thinking all the more about it and wanting it bad. Today was one such day. Everything about the day was perfect except that one nagging feeling constantly rattling at the back of my head, pulling me into gloom and punishing me for having an otherwise good day, like I was not meant to have one until the issue is well put to rest. And the damn issue just refuses to untangle ! Stupid stubborn brat :x
I decided to go around and speak to a couple of friends and try to confide my anguish, as if seeking instant solution from them. Only to realize that they are probably suffering from far more terrible woes themselves. One of them has his father seriously ill, another one having trouble with his family, while the one I thought was in a perfect dream relationship I could die to have, told me that he had to break off with his girl due to some unfortunate reason a month back .. I am too stunned to even remember what my problem is now. Can only recollect the words my nani used to and now my mother keep reiterating..... "nanak dukhiya sab sansaar"' [its in punjabi fyi, if you wonder.. please look up the web for what it means since
1. I'm lazy
2. I'll possibly just alter the meaning and you wont get it right ]
3. I'm stunned, dint i tell u? ....

1 comment:

Gurdit said...

Nanak dukhiya sab sansaar, indeed. :)